Part 6: A Mistaken Case of Flirting

A/N: As I write these I never know where its going to take me despite any general plans i have. So this ended up being a bit different then i planned.. Didn't fit in Krypto like i wanted but that's okay as its a good place to start next time as Lois college time is now done. Hope this is enjoy!

Also I guess i am keeping the current title. Thanks to all who voted!

Self beta'd as usual and probably extra worse then normal as I am really sick.
Season 4 Continues...

A Mistaken Case of Flirting

FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Go Smallville!

Well..well..well Smallville I heard about the 'attempt' you made. I wish I had of been there to see it so I'd know how to grade you. I guess I'll just have to do so based on what I was told. Oh Man you have no idea how happy you've made me Smallville!

Professor Lois


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: Go Smallville!

What? What attempt are you talking about? Grade me?

FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: Go Smallville!

The flirting you did at the talon with someone other then Lana. I've been told you practically fell all over yourself talking to her.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: what?

What?..no Lois, first off I tripped. Second I wasn't flirting!! and who told you?


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: what?

You don't have to be shy about it Farmerella. I am real proud that you made the attempt though from the story I am told I'm going to have to give you a C+. Just because you failed to communicate properly. Apparently you drooled a bit too.. not so good for the image you were trying to portray.


FROM: ClarkKent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: what?

??? Lois, I think you are making this up. I said Hi to a girl I bumped into, then slipped on the wet floor I think, not exactly sure what made me fall over but it was definitely not me trying to flirt. I can just fine you know. Also I didn't drool!


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: re: what?

According to my source (who isn't Chloe) you more then said Hi. Then suddenly went a little green around the gills and fell all over yourself, apologizing the whole time. What I would have paid to have seen this. I've also heard that you've had this fumbling and tripping issue before when around girls you like.. doesn't seem so far fetched to me now.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: what?

I don't know who your 'source' is but they don't know what they are talking about. Give it up Lois, I'm never going to practice your lesson. Period. 


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: re: what?

Oh I don't know. I am sure with the right incentive we can get you to practice it one more time. Besides this is for your own good, Lana has moved on to other pastures and you..you need to broaden your horizons. Try out one of the other flavors out there. 


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: re: re: what?

I was never practicing in the first place and flavors? What are we talking about? Ice cream? 

Look I'm fine, I don't need to try anything out. Give it a rest Lois.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: The denial king strikes again..

Its not my fault you tried and failed, so don't blame me. Denying it won't do you any good Smallville, you bombed on that one and now its time to own up to it. Give what a rest? You owe me!

FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: The denial king strikes again..

Again, I didn't even try. I just said Hi and tripped. Why am I even discussing this with you? You lost the silent challenge Lois and I don't have to do the assignment. Nothing you say is going to make it happen and how do you figure I owe you?

FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: The denial king strikes again..

Do I really need to list why you owe me? You're a guy that right there is enough. And you have to do this assignment! Smallville, its for your own good. What kind of person would I be if let you become a full on stalker when I could have stopped it?


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: re: The denial king strikes again..

A list? Lois if anyone should be making a list on transgressions its me. I know it was you who took the last cookies that was marked for ME. And I DON'T STALK!


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Aww..cookies

Those cookies did not have your name on them and it wasn't my fault the little sticky note got lost. Jeesh Smallville.. are you channeling your inner two year old or what? And yes you do stalk. I am sure you give it another name in your mind but you do.

I've got a new nickname for you. How about we call you Farmer Stalkie McClarkie. Actually you have no choice in the matter as I quite like it.

FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: Aww..cookies

You call me that and I'll show up at your dorm with a lesson on how to improve class attendance.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Stalkie McClarkie
Oh wow, I'm so scared of Stalkie McClarkie. What's he going to do to me? Show up and look dumb? That won't take any effort. 

You don't know where my dorm room is anyway. But wait..that means you'll have to put your stalker skills into effect and prove my point!

FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: Stalkie McClarkie

Don't think I won't do it Lois! I'll even wear my most worn out plaid and shredded jeans and that straw hat you despise in the barn. I'll tell people I'm looking for my girlfriend Lois Lane. 


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: Stalkie McClarkie

You don't have the balls to do it! Stalkie McClarkie..Stalkie McClarkie 

StalkieMcClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkieStalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie StalkieMcClarkie Stalkie McClarkie StalkieMcClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie! 

Use to it yet?

FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: re: Stalkie McClarkie

Wanna bet? How about a taste..you've been itching to see my bad side.

FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Dead man emailing

OH that is not funny! How in the world am I suppose to explain that phone call? You are so dead Clark!

FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: Dead man emailing

Real mature Lois! Thankfully I’ve learned to check emails with pictures in them from you at home. What are those pictures suppose to mean anyway? The one is almost pornographic Lois! 



FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: Dead man emailing

Pornographic? I could do much worse if you really wanted and what do you think it means Clark? Do I need to spell it out for you? S.T.I.C.K Y.O.U.R H.E.A.D U.P Y.O.U.R A.S.S.. get it now? Do anything else like that again and I'll repay the phone call favor. 


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: re: Dead man emailing

I wouldn't have had to call if you had just taken me seriously, don't call me Stalkie McClarkie and I won't have to do anything else.

Oh and Lois.. nice to see you can spell. Now just take that skill and use it to click the little abc icon. Its how the rest of us spell check. Might save you loads of trouble. Might even get a higher mark on your assignments.

FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Tight Ass

What bit you Smallville? The mean bug?.. low man. Real low.. That's fine, because atleast when I got to bed at night I don't need an Elmer Fudd night light to keep me feeling safe. I wonder what Lana or Chloe would think if I told them about your stuffed bugs bunny. Did it make you feel safe and sound? Didn't think I knew about that one did you?


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: Tight Ass

Its called having childhood memories, Lois. Atleast I had a stuffed animal..what did you have a cuddly tank? Maybe a bazooka? Nothing says childhood like a stuffed version of a deadly weapon. 


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: Tight Ass

I'm impressed Smallville you give as good as you get. Do your ma and paknow you have this mean streak? Now I have a busy week ahead so don't think we're finished with this. Though perhaps when we do talk again you'll be over your man period. 

Oh and the cookies.. yum..you're mom really knows how to work the fudge. Soft and gooey..melt in your mouth. MmmMmm. Gotta say when I think about it I can understand your grief over those cookies.

FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: How are you?

Lois you alright? You were a little unnaturally quiet when I dropped off from the hospital.

Just wanted to make sure. 


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: How are you? 

So you wanted me to talk your ear off? I thought considering you saved me it was my way of saying thanks. You by the way have impecable timing. Which is amazing within itself considering how flaky you can be.

FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT:re:re: How are you?

You're welcome Lois, I'm glad you're okay and what do you mean flaky?
And it's spelled impeccable Lois. 


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT:Flaky Kent

Clark sometimes you just disappear into thin air, or like not show up. I don't even hang with you all that much and I see it. I once thought Chloe was exaggerating but you really are that flaky. Of course Chloe didn't call it that, but she is too nice. 



FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: Flaky Kent

The only one exaggerating anything is you and technically you don't 'hang' with me at all. 


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: Flaky Kent

This be true. I don't 'hang' with you..I grace you with my presence. You are so blessed Smallville.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: re: Flaky Kent

right..Lois, if you truly wanted to bless me you wouldn't sit in the barn and critique how I do farm chores. The best thanks you could give me is to show up for your classes, graduate and move far away. 



FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: no subject

You can't get rid of me that easily Clarkie. Besides one day you'll miss me when I am gone.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re :no subject
I highly doubt I'll miss you bossing me around and giving your opinion of everything under the sun.

Stop calling me Clarkie, Lois!

FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: no subject

Smallville, one day I will be gone and who will be there to liven up your life? No you'll miss me. Mark my words.. You'd be half a man without me ifI ever left, eventually you'd wither away and die.
Though if I left now it would be like..half a boy wouldn't it? 

P.S. You're right about the thank you. So next time I drop by I'll give you my own special thanks in person.
***

I could do with some of my own Martha Kent cookies right about now but I'll take the feedback sort 

Part 5: Practice, Flannel and Pain

A/N: Okay..so here is the update. I tried my best to touch on the events of Pariah and its affect on their relationship with respect. Hopefully its good.

It will be interesting to see the flipside of this with Recruit. 

On a side note I had to add a tear to the smiley face in their email subjects cause it kept doing this  which u don't get a proper smiley when u do that in a subject line..lol stupid but annoying. Mostly self edited so usual disclaimer applies.

Season 4 Continues...

Practice, Flannel and Pain


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: :'(

Still avoiding me? Clark, I am hurt ..very hurt. I thought we had a better relationship then that. I am still expecting you to do that assignment.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: :'(

Do you actually think, Lois, that I can just walk up to any girl and do the assignment? As you so often have pointed out, this is Smallville. A small town.

Besides, I thought you were taking a break from all things weird.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: :'(

So.. go to Granville. As if that would hurt you. Not as many people know you and I am sure there is some pretty blonde you can practice on. I swear I heard you mention to your dad that some Tracey was a nice girl.

I am taking a break from the weird. Are you putting yourself in the same category Clarkie? Aw, you really need to buck up that self esteem there champ. Can't win the girls if you see yourself as weird.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: uh no..

I am not even going to continue the 'weird' conversation.

Lois, Stacey is like in her 40's. And I said I thought Stacey was a nice lady. How you got 'girl' from that I don't know. While I am sure she'd be flattered by the attention, as she says I am cute, she has a son only a few years younger then me. So it would be at the least..creepy.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: uh no..


Okay, so Stacey wouldn't work. You don't go for older woman I guess huh? 

Hmm..Oh, at that little grocers was that tiny blonde, kinda like another tiny blonde we know, who I think thought you were cute. Personally, Ithink she is a little crazy but obviously for this assignment to work someone has to find you desirable.

Smallville, the only thing weird about you is your obsession for flannel.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: uh no.

Two things Lois, one.. no matter how many hints you throw out there, I am not going to try this on Chloe. Nor Candy. She's a bit.. let's just say she isn't my type.

Two, for someone who thinks that its weird others would find me desirable, you seem to want to spend a lot of time with me and give me loads of attention. Its a little ironic don't you think?

Oh and I'm not the only one who likes flannel.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT:re:re: re: uh no.

Do you honestly think I desire you? Whatever Smallville! No, I just enjoy tormenting you. That is all. You're like free cable, an all in one farm boy sports package.

I also love how you say you're not doing this assignment and yet discussing options of who to practice on. Truly that is ironic aspect of all this.

Not the only one to like flannel? No, you're not. There are let's see oh..lumberjacks and.. mostly yeah its just lumberjacks.



FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: no subject

I wasn't discussing options. I was simply pointing out that your suggestions wouldn't work if I did do the assignment. Which I am not.

You know what Lois? Consider yourself cut off from your free entertainment. Think of it as your own assignment or better yet a challenge, can Lois go a week without having her 'Clarkie' fix?

Also Lois, I wasn't referring to lumberjacks. I was actually thinking of a certain girl who likes to invade my space and steal my clothes.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: You are gonna lose!

Fine you're on! This won't take any effort plaid man, I don't need a Clarkie fix. Its going to be you missing meby the way. In fact, I bet before the week is out you'll need me.

Oh I will only do this challenge on the condition that you have to do the assignment if I win. No more weaseling your way out of it.

Sleeping in your shirts Smallville, only means I like sleeping in flannel. It doesn't mean I have an obsession with it. Unlike you it doesn't compirse of most of my wardrobe.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT:re:You are gonna lose!

Need you? Highly unlikely. So okay from today till next Thursday. Not one email or you lost the challenge.

And since I know you'll lose I can deal with the conditions. Talk to you in a few days Lois 

By the way, I think you meant comprise. Spell check Lois! it doesn't actually hurt.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: You are gonna lose!

Okay okay..so I am breaking the silence and losing the challenge. But I just had to say.. What were you thinking? Alicia? Vegas? Marriage?

Smallville, you are the oddest farm boy i've ever known. What are you going to do next? Join a motorcycle gang. I can picture it now a leather jacket with a plaid patch sewn on the back. haha.



FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: re: You are gonna lose!

Its a little complicated Lois. I can't really go into it but no,no motorcycle gangs. This hasn't been some sort of walk in the park for me.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT:nosubject

I bet it hasn't, Ma and Pa must be pretty ticked. No worries Smallville. I've been down this road in my own way. Though getting hitched was not one of them.

Where you on drugs by chance? Though I figure you'd probably have to be drugged to be on drugs, atleast willingly.



FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: no subject

Can we drop the subject please Lois, for once?


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Poke

Sure.

Oh, I know you've been hiding in your barn the last few days but perhaps you might think about coming out and joining the human race. Karaoke night tomorrow night!


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: Poke

I don't sing Lois. So not so sure what the point would be.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: poke

Does there half to be a point? Besides, Chloe and I can never not sing. You have to come just for that..I promise it will be entertaining 

Who knows? You might actually have fun and widen your musical tastes all at the same time.

Shocking idea I know..


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: poke

Ha ha Lois. I might come, I'll think about it.



FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Hey.. : )

Hi Clark,

Just wanted to see how you were doing. Chloe said you've been kinda down since...well, you know. I know I'm not the best person for this sorta thing and God knows I tend to put my foot in my mouth.

I just wanted you to know that I've been where your at. Not the exact same circumstances, but I lost someone I cared about and I had tried to help.

Since I am not very good with the whole words and empathy thing, I'll just tell you what happened and if you do ever just want to talk, you know where to find me. I promise to not bust your chops.

Right after I had turned 15, my dad had gotten a transfer order. We ended up in this little army base. I have to say I didn't think I'd make any friends as quick as I did. First day, I met this girl named Maggie. She was a lot of fun and we became inseparable, although I never went to her house and when she went home, it was always on her own. I should have clued in then that something was wrong, but I didn't, not at first.

Then one day, she came over and I saw the first sign. It was the beginning of summer at the time and the first real warm day. I mentioned going swimming and she balked. Being nosy like I am, I had to know why and found that she had bruises all over her. Usually hidden by her clothes.

I just assumed it was her dad. It wasn't far fetched because he was known for his temper. And sometime in those communities, people don't say anything. You'd think they would, but they don't. Anyway, I made a stink and a fuss on behalf of Maggie, no one really listened to me, said Maggie was difficult and needed a firm hand as she was often in trouble.

Maggie never seemed upset about my help or even what was being said about her, but she kept insisting it wasn't her father. I didn't really believe her, but I couldn't get her to tell me who it really was.

One day she didn't come over like we planned. So I went to her house. Maggie was in bed, she had gotten beat up pretty good. I made her go to the medical center when she coughed up blood. Turned out she had a few ribs, amoung other things, broken.

Everything exploded. I never got to see Maggie really after that. Her dad was put through the ringer as they investigated him. At the time I was happy, because I believed she'd be okay. Then three weeks later, Maggie disappeared and it couldn't have been her dad because he had been deployed before hand.

She was found two days later.

I'm not one for crying, but I did then. Maggie deserved better than that and when it came out who had been hurting her and killed her, I wanted to hurt them. I never told anyone that before. Not even the General knows what I had actually been planning. It never came to pass. Lucky for me, there were too many obstacles in the way.

Like I said, I know its not the same nor will it take away the pain of how you feel. But maybe it will help to know you're not alone.

I'm coming down this weekend, so I'll be around if you want to talk.



FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Hello!

The whole thing in the barn last night..was just to torment me with awkward silences. I've told you I don't like them!!

Just for that I'm working on a new lesson plan.



FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: Hello!

Lois, you did offer to be there. I told you then I didn't really have anything to say so I don't know why you decided to torture yourself. I was doing my chores so I am sure I could have survived without you.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: Hello!


That's the thing though isn't Smallville? You really do need to you know..talk. Chloe would be happy to listen if you don't want to spill it to me. Bottling all that up can't be good. One day you're gonna explode and I don't want to be picking pieces of farm boy and flannel out of my hair.

Question..if you weren't doing chores does that mean you would have needed me?I find the way you worded that interesting.



FROM: Clark Kent
TO:isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: re: Hello!

Lois, I am thankful for you offering to be here for me. And what you said and wrote, it has helped and If i ever need to talk, Chloe or even you will know. So don't take this the wrong way but isn't there someone else you can drive to distraction?


FROM: Lois Lane
TO:Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: : )
Okay...Okay.I can take a hint. So I'll leave you alone..for now. Seriously though..talk to someone.

Smallville, there is only one you and no one else will do for driving to distraction  Feel special.. you are 

FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: : )

Gee Thanks Lois! You are too kind..
***

Part 4: Professor Lane and Astronomy

A/N: I am sorry for the time it took to get to this. I decided to go ahead and finish what I needed for this set before finishing other updates. Hope you enjoy. Kinda worried its not as good as the last set. As usual forgive my editing.

Season 4 continues..
Professor Lane and Astronomy

FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: tsk tsk

Now, Smallville while I do consider you to be a dork, I’ve never taken you for a wuss. But you failed to show up for lessons by Professor Lane. I had a very special class planned out for you. So now I am going to have to give it to you via email..as I said before, you can't escape me. Not only do I know where you live, have your email address, but your best friend is my cousin. This means you keep ignoring me and I'll bring her into this.. do you really want us both involved?


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: no subject

Lois, I told you when you first arrived I had practice. Not to mention other things to do then receive lessons I don't need from you.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Liar Liar pants on fire

Wow, what a line Clark. I almost believed you on the practice except I’ve seen your arm in action. Throwing a football yards right through a tire swing, like it took no effort. So this tells me the other things you were doing were probably stalking Lana, following Chloe around, and generally just avoiding me. Oh and don't give me the farm chores line.

I have an assignment for you. Expect an email soon and if you don't open it I will hurt you in ways you can't even imagine 

With Love,

Lois


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Re: Liar Liar pants on fire

I wasn't avoiding you, I did have other things come up along with practicing. I'm not afraid of Professor Lane. And threatening me then ending it with 'with love' doesn't work Lois.

Oh, her gift has been sorted like we agreed.

Not a student of Professor Lane,

Clark


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: PROJECT

You are a student and you know it. So now what can Professor Lane teach farm boy Clarkie.. Hmm.

Welcome to the Wooing a girl (that's not Lana) 101 a class of Professor Lane.. If you are in this class its because you have serious issues with babbling at the opposite sex, awkward silences, and or you stalk them while creating elaborate fantasies of happily ever afters.

All assignments/Projects are mandatory.

Lesson 1 – Men and women are created equal. WRONG..not when it comes to wooing. Its not all fair in love and war between the opposite sex. It's work.

Flirting -

For a guy, it needs to exude confidence. Coy will only make you look like a sissy man. So don't. Nothing more unattractive then a guy trying to use what really only works for a girl.

Confidence does not include caveman behavoir. It simply means that the girl isn’t worried that two seconds into the conversation you're gonna do a runner. That you mean what you say.. you can always advance to suave once you cover basic confidence.

Now while the caveman attitude is unwanted it isn't to say that a bit of forcefulness and even light manhandling can't be sexy..or sweep a girl off her feet. But again, Smallville, hold off on this till you cover the basics. Don't need you getting charged with assualt and battery because of bad flirting.

Communication -

I would give advice on lines you use but really I am not concerned with you on that, since you're such a boyscout. However, don't babble. Stay focused.

Don't be a total dick and let your mind wander. A guy who listens to what you are saying is priceless. Girls eat it up..but don't think we don't notice when it's just a show. Eventually, if not right away, we know.

Stalking is not a form of communication. While nothing is wrong with watching from a distance while you get your bearings, spying only leads to a life long stay behind bars.

So I suggest you talk to a girl rather then resort to what is extremely unattractive.

You have an assignment. I want you to try to woo a girl that ISN'T Lana.. and go a week without spying on her. Do you think you can do that?

- Professor Lane


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Re: PROJECT

Are you seriously thinking I am going to do this assignment? Also, Lois , I do not spy!! I actually happen to like astronomy. Nor do I stalk Lana. I 've hardly seen her in the last few days.

I am trying real hard to not feel insulted at this lesson.

NOT DOING THE ASSIGNMENT!

- Clark


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Do it or suffer!

Come on! Every quarterback needs a blonde hanging off his arm. Especially a smart one of the non bimbo variety. You are so blind, Smallville, you really are. I guess I am going to have to plan another lesson.. and if you continue to ignore the assignments I suggest you learn to sleep with your eyes open.

You don't spy? Hahaha Clark i've caught that telescope pointed in the direction of a certain brunette’s house. Unless, of course,'liking astronomy' is a new eupheimism for 'spying on pretty girls' . Which even if it is..it still means I'm right. Actually, I'm right regardless.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: NO!

Let me think on this. Hmm.. wait. NO! I'm not going to find a girl to apply this lesson to, nor will it be on Chloe if that's what you were hinting at. I love her as my best friend, so lets leave it there okay?

If you really looked through my telescope like you claim, then you'd have found it pointing at the sky, Lois. Maybe poke around the bookshelf next time you get nosy and you'll see that I have books on the subject.

Oh, Professor Lois, I'm reminded that I meant to ask. Do you know what a spell checker is? Your last two emails have needed it.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: NO!

What do you mean do I know how to use a spell checker? What are you the spelling Patrol?

Pull the tractor out of you rear end and just do the assignment! Live a little. Jeeze you would think I was asking you to do the worst thing in the world. Most guys would love an excuse to ask a hot girl out. Maybe your obsession with 'astronomy' has addled your brain. Because something definitely has.

Oh, I'm coming down for her birthday and your barn is a good spot for a party.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: re: NO!

Lois, we can't have a party in the barn. Why are you not planning this for at the Talon? I am sure Lana would like to help.

I'd offer to give you a tour of the stars, just to prove I use the telescope for what its meant for, if I didn't think you'd try to read something into that.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Tour of the stars?

I don't know whether to gag or laugh at your offer to tour the stars with me. You're right too, of course I am gonna read something from it. I mean really, Smallville, it sounds like some sorta line. Haha.. that's another lesson plan right there.

Tour the Stars.. sorry Smallville, as much as I am flattered, I am not interest in being your next astronomy project.

As for Chloe's birthday party. Clark, Hello! How can it be a surprise party if its at the talon? This is why the barn is a good place. She won't expect it there. Where you even listening to me when we talked about this?

This lack of listening is exactly why I included it in the lesson.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: Tour of the stars?

Lois, you couldn't pay me to give you that sort of tour any more then you could to take one of your lessons.

I was listening, but we planned it months ago before I had arrangements made to meet with the rep from Princeton. It can't be at the farm so don't think it Lois, and being a surprise party doesn't mean it can't be a the talon.

Chloe, I think would appreciate it more if she was around the smell of coffee.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: no subject

You know I thought since I've come to your hick town that I've experienced enough in the quota of bizarre. But this takes the cake. How often do you deal with witch possessions? The one possessing me couldn't have been that bright, and she must have been a little slutty, because that dress was way to short.

I am still expecting you to fill me in on what happened you know. I don't like this whole lack of memory thing.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: no subject

Lois, there is nothing to tell. You, Chloe and Lana showed up possessed, acting a little weird, then the next thing I know its the party from hell. I still have to figure out how I explain it all to the rep. I think Princeton is off the list.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Hell

Party from hell includes a lot, Smallville.

I don't remember a whole lot but I am pretty sure you were in your boxers at one point. In fact I am sure of it. What else happened? God, please don't tell me that slutty Sabrina flirted with you?! Or did anything else just as bad.

Sorry about the rep and remind me to never ask you to wrap a gift again.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: Hell


Considering, I already know you like it when you think I am looking you over, I find it funny that it would have been bad if 'Sabrina' had of flirted with me. Especially since you know nothing would have happened between us. So why the worry? As far as doing anything else bad..I don't think so. I saw you dancing with a couple of guys but that's it.

Despite being a bit goth I didn't think the dress was that bad.

I did warn you I wasn't good at wrapping but as usual you were to busy barking out orders.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd@thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: re: Hell'

OH God kill me now! I did flirt with you. And that's the last time you'll ever get a view of the twins so count yourself lucky Smallville. You are such a perv.

Also, I am not worried, appalled is more like it. I can't believe that the witch had a thing for plaid. Sad really, you two time crossed lovers could have indulged yourself together in the flannel fetish. Aww .

Though knowing your luck, in her own body, she probably fit the stereotype for witches. Big mole, bent nose.

I think I'll skip next weekend, I need a break from all things weird.

- Lois

P.S. You're not off the hook on Lessons from Professor Lane. You really need help.

***

Feedback is cookies..or change to keep a starving artist going 

Coverdale and Elmer - Skipping, Stalking, and Wooing

S4 Continued..'

---

FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale @thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Re: !

Proud of your body? That is your excuse? Okay, so let's say I did check you out, which I am not admitting too. But let's say I did.. does that mean you've been secretly enjoying it? I think it does.

I see the word 'proud', in this insistence,as a code for 'please Clark check me out some more'. And now that I rarely see you, which by the way I am enjoying. You've been deprived of the attention. Is this the real reason you wish to know about my imaginary porn stash?

Clark


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale @thedigitalwave.com
SUBJECT: You alive?

You suddenly have gone very quiet. My last email was just a joke Lois. .. You gonna come visit this weekend? Chloe mentioned it. See you then if you do.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd @thedigitalwave.com
SUBJECT: Re: You alive?

Smallville,
You are way to sensitive. I've been really busy which is why I didn't respond.
And please don't go and get a big head. You checking me out, which you have, is not anything more then an occasional annoyance. You're like a fly I swat at, nothing more.

Yes, I am coming down on Friday after my classes. Please tell me you are going to be busy with farm chores or spying on Lana.

BTW Clarkie that stash is no where near imaginary. You and I both know it.. I bet its stuffed at the bottom of one of those chests you have up in the loft. Probably under a stack of sports mags and school papers.

- Lois


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale @thedigitalwave.com
SUBJECT: Re: Re: You alive?

Busy? Sure Lois, I recall Chloe saying that you've skipped a few classes. So what are you doing with your time that takes you away from both responding to your email and showing up for class?

And I am not going to be spying on Lana. We're not together and I'm to busy with football practice, unlike some. Lois, please leave off the porn stash. It doesn't exist and stay out of the chests in the barn, they are private.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd @thedigitalwave.com
SUBJECT: Touchy!

I skipped class ONE day..one day and Chloe is making it sound like a regular occurrence. If you must know it had to do with women stuff.. It was painful and well gory to be honest. I bet that makes you blush doesn't it? Aww.. Poor Smallville. So innocent, to afraid to look at his hidden err sorry 'private' porn or deal with grown up matters. The world doesn't revolve around footballs and Lana you know.

You know what I think? I think you missed me emailing you. Couldn't go more then a few days without hearing from little me. Well now don't worry there. I won't leave you again for to long Clark. Lois will save you from your life of stalking and farm chores.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale @thedigitalwave.com
SUBJECT: no subject

I have taken biology and sex education, Lois. I'm not convinced that was your only time or reason to miss a class. Its not how Chloe worded it. Of course she didn't mention the 'women stuff' but it was implied more then once that you skipped.

I don't stalk, Lois, nor do I need you to save me from anything. You didn't email me back because you do like me checking you out. Its why you can't give a straight answer on skipping classes.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd @thedigitalwave.com
SUBJECT: so...

Did you just admit to checking me out? I knew it!! You do, and wow I can only congratulate you on being part of the normal species of men. Give you a few years and you might even learn to woo a girl and get a little farm of your own or at the rate you're going you might have perfected those so called non existent stalker skills.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale @thedigitalwave.com
SUBJECT: Re: so...

I didn't admit to it. You are taking it out of context and you know it. The point was you miss the idea that I do and that is why you can't let go of the porn issue or anything else you've been obsessing about over me

I don't need your help to 'woo' anyone. However, Lois, I'd be happy to help you with the basics of showing up for class. I know you had the difficulty attending classes at Smallville High, I can only imagine how hard it is there at college.

**

FROM: Lois Lane
TO:chloetorch @thedigitalwave.com
SUBJECT: What did you say?!

Chloe,

What did you say to Clark? He seems to think I've been doing major class ditching. Why did you even say anything? What happened to the trust between cousins?
I love you but I am so making you pay for this when I come down this weekend.

- Lois


FROM: Chloe Sullivan
TO:isthisloveCoverdale @thedigitalwave.com
SUBJECT: Re: What did you say?

Lois,

I didn't say anything. Not like you think I did. I think Clark must have over heard the phone conversation we had last Thursday. When I got off the phone he did ask who I was talking to and now I understand the smirking he was doing. Lois I am so sorry, I shall be more careful when around him. What does he know?

Love, Chloe


FROM: Lois Lane
TO:chloetorch @thedigitalwave.com
SUBJECT: Re: Re: What did you say?

Just that I missed some classes and I gave him a line on it being about women's stuff which is partially true. He is hounding me! I knew the innocent face he pulls was a lie. Some how I am gonna make him pay for this.

Be more careful Chloe!

Love from your frustrated Cousin,
Lois


FROM: Chloe Sullivan
TO:isthisloveCoverdale @thedigitalwave.com
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: What did you say?

He's been looking mighty pleased with himself. I do have to wonder, Lois if there is more to this then you finding it 'frustrating' on his eavesdropping. Is there something else you're not telling me?


FROM: Lois Lane
TO:chloetorch @thedigitalwave.com
SUBJECT: no

Why would there be anything else? The plaid man is just getting on my last nerves as he usually does. Nothing else.


FROM: Chloe Sullivan
TO:isthisloveCoverdale @thedigitalwave.com
SUBJECT: Re: no

Okay Cuz, if you say so. Well I know you are more then capable of dealing with him, just leave him in one piece will ya. He is my best friend.

**
FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd @thedigitalwave.com
SUBJECT: Re: Re: so..

I didn't admit to it. You are taking it out of context and you know it. The point was you miss the idea that I do and that is why you can't let go of the porn issue or anything else you've been obsessing about over me

I don't know need your help to 'woo' anyone. However, Lois, I'd be happy to help you with the basics of showing up for class. I know you had the difficulty attending classes at Smallville High, I can only imagine how hard it is there at college.

Well look who thinks he's got it all figured out. You teach me? That will be the day.. what would your first lesson be “Plaid wearing for Dummies?” Sorry, Smallville, but my class attendance is just fine and no concern of yours.

Personally, I think you don't want to admit to needing help to 'woo' because you know you couldn't handle the lessons of Professor Lane. I am just to hot to handle. I shouldn’t have offered really, it would probably scar your innocent farm boy naiveties to learn what women really want.

Which by the way isn't stalking or eavesdropping.


FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale @thedigitalwave.com
SUBJECT: ?

What do you mean eavesdropping? And I don't stalk.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd @thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Re: ?

Oh lets just say my investigating skills came into play Smallville. Did you really think I wouldn't ask Chloe about what she apparently said about me skipping classes?

It turns out you not only like to watch neighbor girls through your telescope but enjoy listening on phone calls. Maybe your not as innocent as you look.

In that case, this weekend, expect some lessons. Attendance is mandatory.

- Professor Lois Lane

P.S. There is no where you can run.





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Like? Hate? Comments are Cookies.. you know the drill.. FEED ME  

Previously - The Disturbing Subject..

Coverdale and Elmer - The Disturbing Subject

S4 Continued..

---

FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd @thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Hey!

Hey Smallville,

How does it feel to have your bed back? Hopefully I didn't leave any drool stains, according to the General its a Lane trait.

Oh, don't get your boxers all twisted in a bunch. I know you are. I can picture you scowling now, so wipe it off. I'm only emailing you because you said we could continue these exchanges once I no longer lived in YOUR room.

-Lois



FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale @thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Re: Hey

I didn't mean that we could continue trading emails just because you moved out. Only that I wouldn't talk to you through them when you lived with me, we'd end up having the same discussions in person anyway.

By the way, my boxers didn't get in a bunch. Despite what you believe, Lois, I don't freak because I see an email from you.

Also you do realize, Lois, that most people wouldn't admit to drooling. Besides it doesn’t matter, my mom washed the bedding when you left.

- Clark

FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd @thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: It makes me wonder..

Is the remark on most people and admitting to drooling suppose to upset me? Please.. I think you forgot I'm not most people. I see no reason to be squeamish over it. What I find interesting is the lack of porn I found in your room. Now that is something to be squeamish about..especially for you. I could so picture it if your mom cleaned your room and found some, but we both know she doesn't snoop.

The lack of it leads me to believe you have a stash hidden in the barn loft, as you said its YOUR space. Why so shy? You are after all a guy..If I didn't know any better I'd say you were batting for the other team. So this leaves the boy scout complex you have.

Care to enlighten me Smallville?

- Lois



FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale @thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: STOP wondering!

Why do you even want to know if I have a porn stash? And if and I mean IF I did why would I tell you. I'd sooner tell Chloe or my mom then I’d tell you.

I don't have a boyscout complex just because I don't act like you. Or have a porn stash hidden in my bedroom for the world to find.



FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd @thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: PORN!!!!

Aww.. did I hit a sore point Clarkie? A bit defensive about your boyscout training? And I mean training in a totally complex way

Why wouldn't I want to know about your porn stash. Seriously, Smallville, its not as if I've never seen porn before, besides I worry about you sometimes. I'd like to know that you aren't totally a lost cause.

Also was that an admittance to having porn or not? I'm inclined to think you do but its really well hidden and probably leaves you feeling so guilty that you rarely look at it. Once again the boy scout complex.

- Lois



FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale @thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: LOIS!!

Why did you have to title that PORN!!! Chloe had to be behind me at the time I checked my emails. Thanks for that!!
I am not discussing whether or not I have porn with you. Not doing it! And what do you mean a lost cause?

-Clark

PS. I'm not defensive about being a 'boy scout'.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd @thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: boy scout training

You're welcome, I figured Chloe could do with a good laugh.

I'll drop the porn discussion for now. Mostly because I think its funny that you say your not defensive about being a boy scout and yet you are.

Thinking about it here are all the reasons you are a boyscout and why it leaves you to guilty to enjoy your well hidden porn stash. Sorry I lied..I am bringing it back up.

1. You can't keep a secret to save your life.. You actually admitted to your parents about the helicopter. How dumb was that?

2. You are way to nice to people even when they are rude to you. You do realize Smallville you don't have to keep it all bottled up. You can get mad at people.

3. You act like everything is your fault when it has nothing to do with you or is beyond your control. Sometimes crap just happens.

4. Most teen boys your age are busy looking a girl over, not that you don't but you definitely have a guilt complex. For goodness sakes Clark.. its perfectly natural to check someone out and even have porn. Not that I am saying it isn't ew (extremely so) but still.

As for the lost cause.. you so are thanks to your Lana lenses.

Please tell me where your stash is! I don't have to see it. I just wanna know, and I bet its a boob one..you are so a breast guy!



FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale @thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Re: boy scout training

I really don't know Lois whether to be insulted by your list or just amazed at the level of attention you've given me.

I have had my non 'boy scout' moments as you would say. I am just not going to talk to you about them. And I don't have Lana lenses on. I do notice other girls, Thank you!

IF I had a porn stash you'd never find it nor would I ever tell you. I find it disturbing your persistence on this subject.


FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd @thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: no subject

I would argue it on you noticing other girls, but I've caught you checking me out. Don't deny it.. and of course you love the twins. Which I take as a compliment. I'm quite proud of them myself..all natural.

Its not disturbing Clark to want to get to know someone, besides it was just a question. All you have to say is “Yes Lois, I have a porn collection and it is...” and I'll leave you alone. Not another word on it.



FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale @thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: Re: no subject


I don't think you know the meaning of leaving something alone. I still find it disturbing and I am not discussing it further. Also Lois, please don't email pictures with those kind of titles. I don't want to be banned from school computer use because of the mislabeling.

Oh Lois, I thought the idea of me checking you out was disgusting? Anytime you think you've caught me doing it , which I am not saying I have, you have pulled faces or made remarks. So really you are telling me you would like it if I were to check you out ..now that is what I find interesting!


FROM: Lois Lane
TO:Elmerfudd @thedigitalwave.com

SUBJECT: !!!

THAT is not what I meant, I do not like it!! Why would you even think that? .. I just am proud of my body. Thank you!









ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ


What cha think? More to come soon for s4.

Continued in Skipping, Stalking, and Wooing 
Previously - Beginnings