Also I'm sick and its self edited so please forgive.
Part 2: Letting go..
The floor was going to have a groove in it. She was sure of it but it didn't matter.. not with what lay in the other room. Glancing at the clock, Chloe took another deep breath trying to calm her screaming nerves. She wanted him there, to be a part of this, but then again if he was it would ruin the surprise if there was something to surprise him with, or get him down if there wasn't.
No, it was good he was busy today. Too busy to even call, or check in for a quick kiss. Superman was having one of those days and so was she.
“Breath..don't think about it. A pot never boils if your watching it. ” Not that she was watching a pot but the analogy worked.
Tired of pacing, Chloe picked up the phone to call her cousin then put it down on second thought. Lois would have her hands full right about now.
Sam, even as young as he was, was a complete and utter handful. Chloe gave a slight smirk at the thought, it had to be karma for all the trouble Lois had been growing up.
Forcing herself to sit and turn on the tv for a distraction, Chloe thought about the last year. They had tried so hard, their time had to come sooner or later. Didn't it?
Sam was beautiful and Chloe couldn't be happier being an Aunt but the desire to hold her own little one was becoming harder and harder to bear. It was worse to look in Clark's eyes and see the same.
Sometimes they faked smiles and pretended they were okay.
She knew Lois and Oliver knew it was all a cover. It was why Lois didn't go on more then necessary about Sam, why she bought Chloe teas and other things to try and help. Anything that could work was tried.
What was left? Clark had already checked with Jor-El, confirming that it was possible for them to have a child . The doctor said she was in excellent health, fertile..so why?
Time passed quicker then she thought and the kitchen timer went off. Suddenly the quiet of the apartment was overwhelming .
This was it.
The moment of truth.
Would it be the positive or negative? Two pink lines or one blue? Would she be crying again, trying to hide it so Clark wouldn't know that they failed.
Starting to stand, the balcony doors suddenly parted as her husband came in,standing in his uniform, eyes searching for her. Any other moment and she'd have pounced him with kisses, but not this one. No matter how much her legs were told to move she couldn't do it. The desire for him to not know, not yet anyway was weak in comparison to her desire for comfort.
Clark took one look at her face and knew something was wrong.
“Chlo..are you okay? What happened?”
“Nothing..just a long day” it sounded unconvincing even to her ears.
“Chlo..” He barely took two long steps and he was in front of her, his eyes searching her over. “What is it?”
Chloe shrugged, wanting to get to the bathroom and see the results.“Nothing, atleast not yet. Look” she locked eyes with him trying to seem completely normal. “ let me um clean up and we can talk..maybe over a cup of cocoa.”
A stare down commenced between them, she only ever offered cocoa when she was trying to placate him, eventually he pulled away allowing her to leave. “Okay.” he said simply and watched Chloe almost flee into the bathroom.
Closing his eyes he let out a sigh and headed for the bedroom to change out of his suit. Trying not to listen in on her, Chloe would tell him in her own time, she always did. But until that time Clark would fight the guilt that it was some how his fault.
The edge of the bed sank down as he sat and pulled a gray t-shirt over his head. He could hear her mumbling and his heart sank further. It had to be him, even with what Jor-El had said, it had to be.
They had tried blue kryptonite all during the last month. Him wearing it, her wearing it, some under the bed. Chloe had been eliminated as the problem months ago. All that was left was the simple fact they weren't the same. He wasn't human, and the thought weighed on him like a ton of green k, getting heavier every time he looked into her eyes and saw the longing.
~
She stared at the waste basket one last time, willing the results to change. They didn't and reality sunk further in.
How did she go out there and tell him what was wrong without adding to his own pain on what they didn't seem destined to have?
Steeling herself against the pain, Chloe opened the door and walked into their bedroom. A place of laughter and love between them felt like a tomb of disappointment.
He sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on knees, face in his hands. A lump formed in her throat as she realized that despite needing to protect him she wouldn't be able to hide this.
Clark looked up, their eyes met and time stopped. Across the distance of that small apartment bedroom, unspoken into the air yet heavily echoed between hearts was the truth. Hope may be diminished, disappointment may abound but the love between them hadn't faltered.
Chloe moved to stand before him, not breaking eye contact, letting him take her hands and pull her close. With his face resting against her chest, Chloe ran her hands through his hair.
“I'm sorry! I thought.. I was and I wanted to surprise you” her voice cracked with the emotion she was desperately trying to fight.
Eyes closed against the softness of her, her scent filling him up Clark sighed, “Chlo.. you don't have to pretend.”
Chloe wiped at a tear and moved to sit next to him.
“If I don't, I know what you'll think Clark!” She reached up to touch his face, in that moment forgetting all of her pain and disappointment. She couldn't bear the thought of him blaming himself, and he would, it was ingrained in his nature.
“This isn't your fault.. I know you think it is but it's not.”
Clark gently took her hand from his face, holding it. “And it isn't yours either. But if I.. Chloe we've tried everything. “ his eyes fell from her to the little blue kryptonite bracelet that sat on her night stand.
Following his gaze Chloe nodded, “Yes we have and I don't know what to say. Maybe we aren't meant to have a baby.” the last word came out a sob. Why couldn't they have this?
Shifting, Clark scooted back to sit against the head board. Tugging gently at Chloe for her to follow. She did so without question, needing to be close. Once beside him Clark held her to him, trying hard to hold back the flood of emotion inside of him, made worse but the quiet sobbing of his wife.
After a few minutes he found his voice, though it betrayed him, “Maybe we should stop trying. Let it happen if its meant to be.”
Chloe didn't trust herself not to cry or even scream at that thought, so she only nodded. All the months of yearning, trying and failing came to one truth. They couldn't force it if it wasn't meant to happen.
It was a dream worth having, worth waiting for but only if she let it go. Knowing this hurt worse then any of the pain she suffered years before in waiting for the man that held her. Especially as there was no guarantee that the waiting would give them what they so desperately wanted.
Hadn't they waited long enough?
“Merry Christmas Chlo..”
Clark beamed out with a lopsided grin watching Chloe tentatively untie the bow around the present before her. He knew she was trying to figure out exactly what it was. Perfectly square, a lift up lid and big enough not to be clothes or some other trinket, but not to large.
He chuckled at the concentration on her face. If she lifted the lid without guessing properly she'd be annoyed at herself for not picking up context clues, with her belief he couldn't keep a secret without leaving them.
The flipside was she had to find out in order to know if she was right. The gift giving rock and a hard place.
“Shut up..” she responded without malice but annoyance at his glee for her situation.
“I wished you Merry Christmas, its hardly a crime.”
“It is when you do this.. It's not fair to wrap it like this. How am I to be sure?! “
“Lift the lid and find out. Besides when you see what it is..you'll understand why it had to be in that box.”
Chloe frowned, wishing she had x-ray vision and could peek. But then again he wasn't allowed to you use the ability and he had it. Score 1 for Kent because the man guessed his gifts and she was pretty sure he hadn't cheated. How was she to even the score?
The box suddenly moved and Chloe's eyebrows shot up in to her hairline. She looked up at Clark, “If this is that robot buddy toy ..I'm going to hurt you!”
“Hey! Have a little more faith in me will ya!”
“After last years gifts I am not sure I can muster absolute faith in the Clark Kent gifting ability. Suffice to say it isn't one of your super powers.” Chloe remarked back with a friendly smile though she was completely serious.
Sighing, knowing he couldn’t argue that, Clark nodded, “Open it and find out.” If she didn't open the box soon the contents were going to surprise her all on their own. Which a part of him thought would be really enjoyable to see but another part of him wanted her to lift the lid and see her eyes light up.
With a unsure look at the box that now kept moving, its movements becoming more intense with each passing moment, Chloe narrowed her eyes. “If it's not the robot then what is it?” She couldn't fathom anything that would move that Clark would get her.
As if to answer her question a tiny noise erupted from the box that sounded an awful lot like an impatient yelp. Chloe's eyes widened, “NO WAY!”
Clark watched her lift the box lid at near super speeds, his own smile matching the wide one spread across Chloe's face. “A puppy!!”
“You bought the Puppy.. I didn't think you wanted a puppy!” Her hands lifting the tiny bundle of furry playfulness out of the box. The little Schnauzer's ears went back at the squeal Chloe gave as she bought the puppy close, it gave a small yelping bark filled with both startlement and happiness.
“I was unsure if it was wise, not the same thing Chloe.. you like the gift?” He watched her hold the puppy close, gently letting the puppy know she was safe.
“Yes!..Okay I think we can official declare the Clark Kent bad gift curse lifted. “ She winked, “However, only you could pull off the cliche'd Lady and the Tramp puppy in a box routine. But I love it!”
Clark felt a wonderful moment of respite. The last four months had been hard as they learned to let go of the baby desire and just live life. Hoping that it would happen. In some ways it had brought definite relief, no scrambling around, trying crazy things or stressing. In other ways it hadn't relieved any longing.
He had wondered if their talk about having a pet would actually be a good thing. Or if it was some how replacement for the baby that would make it ultimately worse. The truth was nothing could ever replace the desire, need, for a child they both shared, but with Shelby having gotten old and more comfortable at the farm it would be nice to have a pouncing little puppy to enjoy.
Amused by the pair of them, Clark got up for a moment, quickly pulling out the things he had picked up for the puppy. Placing the bed near by. Having no need for encouragement Chloe picked up the her precious little package that had already grown tired from play and its new environment.
“Clark..” She began, while stroking the pups back till she fell asleep. “ I love her. Thank You.”
“No need to thank me Chloe. It will be nice to have her around and anything that makes you happy makes me happy. “
Their eyes met again, Chloe suddenly looked away then back at him, clearing her throat. “About that.. I had sudden inspiration for an extra gift for you. “ She scooted from her spot before the tree, where they had been sitting like two children. Searching under the sofa she pulled out a small rectangular box.
“Chloe, you've already spoiled me.” Clark took it looking at her inquisitively. The way she was flushed, her whole manner that day had been different but he had been unable to place why. It wasn't unpleasant or particularly worrisome. Just different and now with the gift he felt a sudden feeling of excitement and apprehension wash over him.
“I needed to get you this. I mean you're going to need one of those now. “ She nodded her head at the box in his hands. Waiting for him to open it. Barely able to take another moment, especially as she had been waiting all morning to give him the gift. “Clark..open it!”
“Alright! Misses..” Brows knitted together with a smile peaking at his lips Clark gently tore the wrapping off and lifted the lid.
The sight before him made him swallow. A part of him not able to believe what he was seeing inside.
“Chloe.. are you.. is it true?!” Feeling quite suddenly very woozy. If he hadn’t already been sitting he would have been forced too.
Grinning from ear to ear all she barely managed say was, “I guess there will be four of us.”
Gently picking it up, Clark held up the key chain with a little circle picture frame. It was a gift that many men would have, something so common place that it would hold little significance to anyone casually seeing it. But the words were ones he wasn't sure he'd ever see in relation to himself.
'Worlds Greatest Dad' etched into the metal. Strong and bold but what made his heart soar was what was in the frame. A slip of hospital paper with the words stating 'positive'.
“We're going to have a baby!” The joy inside felt like it was going to burst out of him like a sun going nova. Everything else forgotten, Clark was on his feet with Chloe in his arms before she had a chance to blink.
“Yes!” She laughed breathlessly as his lips found hers for a happy tender kiss.
There was nothing in the entire world, no threat or worry, that could take away the joy and excitement that filled the little apartment in downtown Metropolis that Christmas morning.
“ahh..eh..”
Patience wasn't in his nature. Chloe gave the little boy in her arms a conspiratorial wink as they watched his mother. “I know Sam, I do. Your mommy, I think, likes making us wait.”
“Excuse me!” Lois' head popped up from rummaging through the bottom of the stroller. “Watch it missy! I'll remember this when you have the unhappy hungry child demanding when your trying to get some shopping done.”
“Lois, you do realize that Oliver is rich and capable of hiring someone to shop for you. “ Chloe shifted the antsy tot to her other arm as he squirmed in protest.
“Ah ha!” Lois found the bottle that had managed to slip its way down to the bottom of the diaper bag which had also been buried under their shopping bags.
Handing the prize to Sam. Lois lifted him up and held him close, tickling his tummy a little while he smiled, the action causing some of the milk to leak out of the side of his mouth around the bottle nipple.
“See Sam..Aunt Chloe forgets that mommy likes to go out and shop. Plus mommy thinks its never to early to teach her boy the rules of good taste and that not everything has to come in the colour green.”
Chloe laughed, “So how much of his wardrobe consists of it now?”
Lois shook her head while settling Sam back into the stroller, bundling him up against the slightly cold air, helping balance his bottle. “Sam here..” the baby soaked up every conversation his mother had, in delightful belief that it was all about him. “has about every shade of green imaginable and in everything from jumpers to sweaters, suspenders and even a little suit.” She leaned down closer making on last check to make sure he was warm, “Mommy has been forced to threaten daddy with extreme physical violence if he brings home one more green... thing.”
Watching them interact Chloe felt a wave of happy warmth fall over her, soon that would be her and the precious baby growing inside. Though the changes to her body were undetectable to the human eye and many even to herself Chloe felt different. She felt alive in a way she never had.
She resisted the urge to place a hand on her lower stomach. There was nothing to feel yet, not unless she counted the rumblings of hunger. Lois must have caught the internal battle for she broke out into a huge a grin. “Lets go eat!”
Chloe nodded and took back the reigns of the stroller. Pushing it along while Lois continued to jabber. Managing to get out of her cousin all the details of her own early pregnancy. “So, the puppy is good, now tell me any morning sickness yet?”
“A little.. though it doesn't exactly happen only in the morning.”
Lois laughed, “No it doesn't. Why it's insisted on being called morning sickness I'll never understand. More like any time of the day, most of the time and most definitely when inconvenient, sickness. “
“Some how I don't see that title catching on.. Mainly I am just hungry. Like I could eat a cow. Emil says its probably to do with Clark's side.”
“Maybe you'll get lucky and this pregnancy will be a breeze.” Lois gave her a quick squeeze before once again smiling down at Sam in adoration.
Chloe chuckled at the mutual admiration society going on between mother and son. “That or I could end up paying for it in an additional month or so of pregnancy and gawd awful labour”
Raising a brow Lois looked at her, “ Seriously..is that possible, an extra month?”
“Yep.. “
“Wow.. I don't envy you there. I thought this one was going to stay forever as it was. A week over his due date was bad enough.”
“I remember Lo.. you made it clear to everyone. I am sure the entire state knew of your unhappiness.”
Rolling her eyes, Lois tugged her a little to guide them in the direction of a little bistro. Crossing the street neither woman noticed the two men continuing to trail them. Waiting for an opportunity that was unfortunately coming their way.
Animatedly talking and heading for a place that was often a favorite, neither thought about the little alley that they'd pass by or gave a thought to the fact the street wasn't as busy at this time.
Chloe tripped up a little and stopped to look down at her shoe. The heel had found a hole in the old pavement. “Figures. I swear I can't get a new pair of shoes without something happening.”
Bending Lois frowned at it. “Well we'll shop for another pair when we finish lunch. My mommy to be treat.. “ Her eyes caught the two men coming closer and prepared to move her cousin and the baby out of their way. The alley was as clean as they come and deserted so it made a logical point to figure out Chloe's show dilemma. "You're going to need better foot wear anyway."
Hobbling, Chloe pushed the stroller to the side and leaned against the wall, before taking a good look at her shoe. Lois picked up Sam who had began to fuss.
Deep in discussion and focused on baby and the heel, it was a surprise when Lois found her self yanked back and slammed into the other alley wall.
“SAM!”
~
Many miles away. Involved in preventing a terrible accident. Clark heard it.. the sound of her alarm, the pace of her frantic heartbeat.
“Oh gawd..Sam.. Lois.. “
His wife's cries were loud in his ears as the rest of the world tuned out. Clark tried to get away as fast as he could. It felt like forever as he flew following her heart and her voice, finding some comfort in hearing them, knowing she was alive.
Pushing himself for her and for Lois and Sam. he was no more then a second away but his blood ran cold when he could no longer hear her crying.
Why was she so quiet?
To be continued..
Please don't shoot me for the cliffie..
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